Bonobo Network is an online community rooted in real-world and virtual events where people can learn together – and from one another – about sexuality, pleasure, and relationships.
Bonobos constantly strive to become more informed, liberated, consensual, communicative, compassionate, and inclusive so that we can all get the pleasure, connection, and understanding we deserve. We unite pleasure seekers to live more informed, liberated, & consensual lives to find new ways of relating in kind, inclusive, & fun ways.
Hi! We're William and Misha, and we welcome you to Bonobo Network!
Bonobo Network is a private membership organization that creates real community for those of us who recognize that monogamy isn't the best option for everyone and that pleasure comes in many different packages. We throw parties. We facilitate workshops. We host retreats. We organize potlucks, happy hours, discussion groups, online mixers, interviews, and so much more.
In short, we help people with sex-positive values and non-monogamous leanings find real learning, support, and connection with others who value consent, empathy, accountability, inclusion, and interdependence. We hope we've built a community where your whole being can find expression, not just the parts you can share on social media or at the office. Our identity as a community is rooted in a deep culture and solid values - read on to learn more about them! If this sounds like your cup of tea, you just might be a Bonobo. And you may have found your community.
William Winters. william@bonobonetwork.com
In 2014, the San Francisco Chronicle named William Winters the "de facto king of the East Bay polyamory scene." He's been working to earn the title ever since.
William is the founder and co-organizer of Bonobo Network. William is a San Francisco Sex Information-trained sex educator, a Somatica Institute-trained sex and relationship coach, and a voracious student of sexuality and relating. He also serves as a member of the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy (OPEN)’s board of directors.
William’s perspectives on nonmonogamy have appeared in San Francisco Magazine, KQED's Forum, the San Francisco Chronicle, the New York Times, and podcasts including Multiamory and Normalizing Non-Monogamy. He has facilitated conversations about polyamory and sexuality in settings including university campuses, political conferences, living rooms, festivals, Burning Man, and beyond. He lives with his wife and their stupid cat in Oakland, CA.
Misha Bonaventura. Misha@bonobonetwork.com
Misha co-produces Bonobo Network with William. Alongside William, she is passionate about supporting sex positive community and helping people create more pleasure for themselves. She teaches and consults individuals and communities to develop their consent culture with a harm reduction and transformative justice lens. Her private practice, Clearing Conversations, focuses on conflict resolution and communication coaching and she loves supporting the sex positive community of the Bay Area and beyond in creating sustainable, long-term relationship building.
Our Principles
High Possibility, Low Expectation
Sexual communities are best when they're treated as HIGH POSSIBILITY, LOW EXPECTATION spaces. That means two things: first, that all kinds of awesome sexy interactions are possible, but that no one should be expected to interact with us in any particular way. Second, we often participate in sexual communities and spaces with a preconceived notion of the type or quality of experience we should have. While anything is possible, you'll probably have a much better experience if you lose those expectations of yourself and open yourself up to the abundance of connection of all kinds available to you in the community. In other words, try not to be goal-oriented and put connection first. It's important to remember that having low expectations isn't the same as having unclear desire. Having a well-articulated sense of what you want can be critical to expanding your sense of possibility. Low expectation calls on you to hold those desires lightly.
Trust and Trustworthiness
Communities like ours are built on TRUST, so we all have to show up being our most TRUSTWORTHY. Trust allows us to be as open and welcoming and vulnerable as we can be inside the spaces we share. Three practical ways we can be trustworthy: first, we keep people's participation in our community confidential. Don’t share names, personally identifying details, images, or content others share without their express permission. We take exquisite care of the virtual and physical containers that host us, following the rules as best as we can and not taking actions that jeopardize our ability to utilize these spaces. Finally, we honestly and proactively disclose our STI statuses and relevant risky behaviors before engaging with others sexually. We take it upon ourselves to be students of sexual health in order to best take care of one another. And we encourage our members to use all the tools of discernment at their disposal to determine whether the folks they interact with in our spaces are trustworthy according to their personal standards.
Clear Consent
We agree that we will only physically engage with one another, including nonsexual touch, where there is CLEAR CONSENT. We define consent as an ongoing collaboration between two or more people in constant verbal, physical, and emotional dialogue about what each other needs to safely, willingly, and pleasurably interact with one another. Gold standard consent in Bonobo Network is affirmative, informed, unpressured, specific, competently given, and ongoing. Respecting and valuing consent isn't just about preventing violations that shred trust -- it's about making sure that everyone has as much space as they need to fully occupy their yes. Please read our Consent and Accountability Policy for more details on how we approach consent and accountability in our community.
High Support
Bonobo Network is a HIGH SUPPORT environment. Navigating sexual communities and spaces can be challenging and emotionally complex, even for seasoned veterans. As we come together to celebrate and play at our edges, we invite our members to take exquisite care of themselves and one another. We make it clear that challenge is normal and that no one ever has to perform "sexy" to be welcome in our spaces. We welcome and celebrate open-hearted vulnerability. We encourage you to be kind towards others because you never know what burdens others are carrying. To fully support that endeavor, we recruit a team of peer support volunteers, known as Angels, who help provide high-quality listening and social support when you’re having a hard time. We make it easy to report when someone in our community has crossed a boundary. And we encourage every community member to commit to being an Angel for other Bonobos.
Contribution
EVERYONE CONTRIBUTES. Communities like this are never the work of a single organizer -- they take the intentional participation and contribution of each participant. Everyone is expected to co-create the community by contributing some combination of money, time, energy, enthusiasm, ideas, kindness, work, intention, example, concern and/or awareness.
Inclusion
We are dedicated to FOSTERING INCLUSION in our community. No matter your race, ethnicity, gender identity, or class background, we want everyone who participates in this community to understand that they belong here and that they have as much of a stake in what happens here as anyone else does. To achieve this goal, our institution and our members alike must be strongly aligned with it. We recognize that everyone is on a learning curve when it comes to learning how to foster such an atmosphere. As Bonobos, we commit to a stance of cultural humility, of resilience, and of learning -- and supporting one another's learning -- how to be excellent to one another.
Our Values
Our values and how we treat each other in community are informed by our principles. They include:
Sex-positivity
That doesn't mean having positive feelings about sex – it's a philosophy that believes everyone should have the opportunity to learn about, explore, and embody consensual expressions of sexuality - or to choose not to express sexuality at all - without judgment or shame. "Above all," says sex educator Aida Manduley, "sex positivity values consent, communication, education that allows people to make informed choices about their bodies, and pleasure." As a community, we are oriented towards rooting out shame in favor of risk awareness, harm reductionist practices, and open communication.
Emotional Sophistication
The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. We seek to constructively resolve rather than stoke conflict. We seek to grow our capacity for setting boundaries, communicating what we need, and understanding others through classes, consuming books and other media, coaching, and therapy.
Power Aware
We recognize that we are of the world, not separate from it. As such, iinequitable power dynamics handed down to us by the wider society may be at play in our spaces despite our best efforts – oppressive phenomena like racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, or transphobia. We do our best as individuals and collectively to resist and avoid replicating those harmful dynamics. We are gracious when called in and relate to people whose identites differ from our own with curiosity and humility.
Care
As Bonobos, we are at least as concerned with the well-being, pleasure, and safety of other people as we are with our own. This ethic should guide every interaction you have with other Bonobos from interactions at parties to resolving disputes, especially if evidence suggests that you may have harmed someone -- even if that harm was not intended.
Accountability
We take responsibility for our behavior, especially when we negatively impact others, and tell the truth about the factors influencing it. We distinguish intention from impact. We seek to apologize well for the harmful consequences of our actions. We help hold others accountable for transgressions by using Bonobo's incident reporting form to help create a culture of feedback within the organization.
Well Informed
We try to the best of our ability to share scientifically, medically, historically, or factually accurate information. Where the science or facts aren't clear, we proactively say so. We accept corrections graciously. We are curious about the social circumstances of the world we share. We don't spread misinformation.
Welcoming
In Bonobo, every member is simultaneously a guest and a host. We all bear the responsibility of helping others feel welcome, of setting a positive example for others, and of exemplifying the values of Bonobo Network.
Kindness
We do our best to treat one another with positive regard, with direct communication of our needs and boundaries, with grace for our mistakes, and with the well-being of the community in mind.
Come play with us!
Do you resonate with the above vision statement, principles and values? Bonobo is a membership-based community for people like you. Please fill out an application to join us here.